Paying It Forward

For nearly a year now...
I've heard often...
How strong I am...
How generous I am...

For nearly a year now...
I've been honouring my baby Ella's life...
By paying it forward...
In every way I imagine...
As best as I can...

But before I knew how to do it...
There were two moms before me...
Who showed me the way...
Who taught me how...

The first, I've never met...
But I heard...
She lost a child a few years ago...
A child who like Ella...
Was an ICU patient...

That mom who does not know me...
Or knew of Ella...
Carefully put together...
Christmas gifts...
For moms in ICU...
Back in 2008...

A red bag...
Some soft tissues...
A red heart ornament...
A notebook, and a pen...

With it came a note...
Telling me how 3 years before...
She was herself in ICU...
With her son...

And that through the Holidays...
Her thoughts would with be me...
With my child...
With my family...

The heart hung by Ella's bed...
In the notebook...
I could not bring myself to write...
Except for two occasions...
One of which was to note...
"They think you're going to make it"...

Fast forward three months...
And I meet a mom...
In ICU with her daughter...
Whose name also happens to start with an E...
Just like my baby's...

Ella was in bed 18.
And E, her dad and her mother R...
Were our neighbours...

And on the morning of March 19, 2009...
As my girl struggled so seriously just to breathe...
As I nearly lost my daughter...
R and her husband were one of the few people...
Who witnessed everything...
Who saw how close a call it was...
For Ella that day...

Not because they wanted to...
But just because that's how things are...
When your child lies 3 feet away from another...
In an ICU with very few actual rooms...

The following morning...
As she came in to spend the day with her daughter...
R walked over to me...
And handed me a gift...

A coin...
A very special coin...
With a picture of an angel in the front...
And three words inscribed on the back...

HOPE...
FAITH...
BELIEVE...

And as she gave me this gift...
Her words were simple...

When I am upset...
When I am scared...
When I am losing hope...
I must channel all my negative energy...
Into this coin...

And then...
I must focus on charging myself up...
With positive thoughts...
With love...
With strength...
And with faith...
For Ella...
To feel it all through me...

This amazing gift...
R gave me...
Has gotten me through...
Ella's last 8 days...

It has gotten me through...
The dark days...
The rotten days...
The ongoing hurtful days...

But it also has gotten me through...
The sunnier days...
The lovelier days...

It continues to go with me...
Everywhere I venture...
It continues to show me...
That very simple actions...
Sometimes make a world of difference...
In someone's day...

In someone's life...

And so my strength...
Is not entirely my own...
Nor is my generosity...

Both are inspired...
By moms I cherish in my heart...
By moms who just like I've learned how to do...
Simply...
Pay it forward...

ELLA - Everyone Loves Little Angels