Thursday, January 14, 2010

7 Weeks And Counting

It's been more than 7 weeks...
7 weeks and 4 days to be exact...
7 weeks and 4 days since I sat here...
And last journaled our journeys - mine and Ella's...

It was November 23, and I recounted...
The day we left BCCH after our 2nd stay...
The day in 2008 when our hope was big and grand...
As we prepared to take our baby home again...

That was 7 weeks and 4 days ago...
And so much has happened since...
7 weeks and 4 days of being back at work...
Even if more than half of that was only part-time...
A first Christmas... without Ella...
A first New Year... without Ella...
A brand new decade... without Ella...
A visit to Montreal...
My first since we took Ella...
To meet her families in October '08....

An emotional flight in, it was...
An entertaining flight back I had...
And quite a fun surprise for my familly I offered in between...

And such a blessing Ella gave me...
By showing me I needed to be with my family...
At this part of our journeys...

And then there is...
A larger bereavement group...
ELLA's bereavement group...
A fact I find so sad because I know...
I know the pain...
The pain that each parent of angels feels...
As they start down this dark journey...
They did not choose to be on...

And yet, it make me grateful...
That through Ella's journey...
Parents come together...
To support each other...

Then there is...
Another grouping of parents...
The X-linked PVNH group...
That Ella also brought together...

A group of parents so strong...
For their families are affected...
By that same rare disease...
That took Ella from us...
They chose to gather...
In one spot together...
To lend support...
And seek help...

And through it all...
I am learning...
Learning to take care of myself...
That I come first...

Back to yoga...
Added acunpunture...
And did I mention my Christmas Tree...
And Ella's Tree...
Are both still up...
Shining their brights lights...
Every night when I get home...

As I reflect on my last 7 weeks and 4 days...
And as I am told by my friends who've been by my side all along...
I know I am making progress...

At my pace...
On my terms...
As little...
Or as much...
As I can handle...

Honouring my daughter...
Thinking of new ways...
To pay it forward...
And living my life on purpose...
For as long as I live...

ELLA - Everyone Loves Little Angels