"I'm Listening Ella"

It's been more than 3 months...
3 long months and yet they've gone so fast...

3 months since I found the courage...
And the energy...
To put thoughts to computer...
But tonight...
It is time...
Because...
"I'm listening Ella"...

After a whirlwind of days up and down...
Days where I hit the lowest of lows...
Lower than what I'd experienced...
Since your last breath...

Days where I barely had a moment to think...
About you...
Me...
Or anything else...

Days where I felt like just giving up...
Days when I got angry...
Real angry...
At your cemetery's management at Forest Lawn...
For actions so uncompassionate...
And so utterly disrespectful...

Days where my heart filled with sorrow...
For other families experiencing... W
hat we'd gone through...
Just a year earlier...

Days where my health...
And inability to make us a family again...
Became another source of stress...

Days when my heart filled with pride...
At how many people love you...
And remember you...

And days when my family's state of health...
Also became a source of worry...
And yet another reason to fight...
To live...

I'm listening Ella...

Through it all...
Through those last 3 months...
Just like it's been...
For the last 15 months...

I am listening Ella...

I am listening...
To the sound of your voice...

I am listening to the songs of birds...

I am listening to the sounds of waterfalls...
And that of raindrops...

I am listening to parents...
Who have children affected by your disease...
And whom have questions without answers...
And are in need of support...

I am listening to Ella playing...
On the radio...
And in my head...

I am listening...
And always will be...
To your messages...
Which show up at the most unexpected times...
In the most unorthodox ways...

Beyond Ella belting tunes at the hospital coffee shop...
Nearly every time I visit...
To Ella coming on the speakers...
As I tell a friend a story about you...
To the violonist diving into...
One of our songs on the corner of the street...
And to the sound of the summer breeze...

I am listening Ella...

And tonight...
Again...
You talked to me...

It did shake me to the core...
And swept my breath away...

It took me a few minutes to understand...
But it made perfect sense...

A woman...
Standing outside the stall I was in...
Saying...
"I'm listening Ella"...

And minutes later...
A beautiful little girl...
Returning to her restaurant seat...
Flanked by her mom...
The woman I'd seen moments earlier...

I told your uncle Dave...
And he agreed I probably had a near attack right there...
We both got a good laugh...
At how your "Listen to me Maman" statements...
Continue to get throught to me...

And for ever as I shall live...
For ever as I shall breathe...
And until my death reunites us...

"I am listening Ella"...

ELLA - Everyone Loves Little Angels