Countdown Has Begun

It's official, the coundown has begun...
And I can't do anything about it...
Not, one single thing...

Time won't stop...
No matter how clever I think...
I can be at willing it...

The countdown was always there...
Ticking away...

But with the shift from Feb. 28...
To March 1...
It has stuck me...
As the most cruel...

With all of us now in March...
I can't escape it...

Every day is a stronger reminder...
Than the next...
On what's to come on March 27...

Every day is full of memories...
Some that were hopeful...
And then the reality of the events...
Hits me right in the face...

And as if that was not enough...
It is a constant reminder...
Of what I wanted to do...
But could not do...
To honour Ella yet...

A long list await...
But life gets in the way...

Life for now equates with work...
The place where although I know it helps...
I can't focus on my daughter as much as I'd like...

The place where I started having panick attacks again...
The place where I find myself in tears, more and more daily...
Not because someone is mean...
Not because of the work load...
But simply because the countdown is on...

The place, like the rest of the world, where everyone has a life...
A real life..
Although maybe not always happy...
A life without the black cloud...

A place that I must be at...
Because otherwise I won't be able...
To keep my home, Ella's home...

Rare Disease Day went un-noticed...
The Olympics celebrations nearly had the best of me...
Not because I was out partying and enjoying it...
But rather because I cannot celebrate life...
The way that it would have been celebrated...
If Ella was with me physically still...

The countdown has begun...
And I can't do anything about it...

ELLA - Everyone Loves Little Angels