Breathe

Breathe....
Simple...
Right?...

Definitely for you...
Maybe for me...
But absolutely...
Not simple...
For Ella...

On March 19, 2009...
Just as it happened a few times before...
Ella started to struggle to breathe...

How can this be...
When your child...
Is hooked on a respirator...
24/7?...

But this pattern...
Was too familiar to me...
So I saw it happen...
Right before my eyes...

Her oxygen level dipped...
And came back up...
And it dipped again...

Within seconds...
Her nurse was at bedside...
As Ella became agitated...
Her eyes telling me...
Something was very wrong...

It was clear...
This was not good...
As she dipped...
Harder...

By the time I realized...
What was truly happening...
Dr. Kent was with the RT...
Trying to move air...
In my daughter's chest...

None was moving....
And I started to panic...
While the RT tried her best...
But no air was moving...

I remember a demand...
Whether it was actually a command or a yell...
I can't recall...
But Heather, a senior RT, suddendly appeared...
To second Dr. Kent...

Colour had changed...
Hands were about to perform...
Extraordinary measures...
As I pleaded to Dr. Kent...
"What can i do?"...

"You've got to give us...
space to work"...

And I see myself...
Like it was yesterday...
Take my touch away from Ella...
Bring my hands to my mouth in horror...
And back a few feet from my Ella...
To the foot of the bed...
So that the team of experts...
Could make air move...
Into her little lungs...

I stood there...
For what seemed like an eternity...
But really it happened so fast...

Lungs fnally started to let air in...
As drugs were administered to calm Ella...

On March 19, 2009...
Dr. Kent and Heather...
Saved my daughter's life...

On March 19, 2009...
I knew that Ella's time was near...

On March 19, 2009...
A handful of people were witness...
To my ordeal...

And of my daughter's struggle...
To perform what should be...
The simplest of acts...
One we all take for granted...

On March 19, 2009...
Ella gave me the biggest sign...
That I needed to get ready...
And prepare her...
And me...
For what was to come...

On March 19, 2009...
My daughter showed her maman...
What a will of steel she has...
And yet how fragile her little body was...

On March 19, 2009...
I almost lost you again...
But on March 19, 2009...
You went on to give me a gift...

The gift of 8 more days...
To love you...
Cuddle you...
Play with you...
Touch you...
Kiss you...
Feel you...
Know you...

On March 19, 2009...
You sucked your little finger...
You counted your friends...
You danced...
You smiled for maman...
You touched my cheeks...
You continued to twirl my hair...

On March 19, 2009...
You gave me the bestest of gifts...

On March 19, 2009...
You breathed...
You lived...

Je t'aime mon ange!
Maman

ELLA - Everyone Loves Little Angels