Tonight, there is a light

When we left the hospital to come home after Ella's second hospitalization, my little darlin' Ella was on home oxygene therapy. That meant that before we came home, I had to pack up all my candles (and believe me there were more than 2 dozens spread all around the house) and put them away with the lighters and matches so that we would not blow up the house by mistake. Considering we had over 20 canisters of highly combustible 02 in the living room corner, it was a wise decision.

One of those boxes of candles never actually made it to storage and has been by a table, in the living room for months. I walk by it every day, look at it and think, I should light a candle. And then I don't do it. It's been this ongoing "I should "then don't dance for months now.

The only exception to that dance is THE candle that is always lit in my room, no matter what time it is. It is Ella's candle. A candle I got for her when we returned to the hospital on Ella's third hospitalization. A wax, vanilla scented candle that back then at the hospital too was always, always lit. It spooked everyone at the hospital! Each doctor and nurse we encoutered for the first several weeks of that stay would just jump and panic at the site of it. What's a candle doing on a baby's bed in the ICU? Are the parents that crazy??? They all had the same reaction :) Ella's candle is battery operated but it looks so, so real! It became a running gag with caregivers just forgetting it was not real and jumping when a blanket would get too close. Irt had everyone giggling at the sight of a new nurse doing a double take upon coming near Ella's bed.

So, for almost four months now, there's been no other candle light in my house, though I love the flickering dance and the smell of candles. But tonight, something has changed...

Today was baby Trey's 4-month birthday. And because it was Trey's birthday, his mom Sharon lit candles in her home, as did her family and friends. So, tonight, as I imagine Ella giving Trey a tender kiss for his birthday, I lit a candle for Ella, and a candle for Trey.

Tonight, there is a light. And tomorrow there will one, and hopefully one less "I don't" too...