Remembering Ella

If you've followed my journey
You know that at this time last year
My girl played a huge trick on me
On a day where I became so emotional
At an event put together by Canuck Place
Because I was remembering...
Remembering Ella.

Why so emotional, you say?
Simply because it was, on that day,
And in that moment
As though I was reliving Ella's funeral
And allowing myself to actual live it.

I had been so focused
And determined to be strong
on April 7, 2008.

I kept it together
So much so
That I forgot to live in the moment.

I was frozen in time
And though I listened to every word
Apoken that day
It was almost like they were not registering.

And so a year ago, as I waited for my friend Linda
Who had agreed to be my rock once again
I started to panic
And by the time the ceremony had started
I was in tears.

An hour later,
Linda and I were walking through
Canuck Place gardens and laughing...
Laughing so hard!

And so tonight, as I went to
Remembering Our Children
To remember Ella
Ella in all her glory
And Ella in all her mischief
I kept thinking
How can she pull it off?

And throw me off my game
As she did last year
And bring me from buckets of tears
To belly laughs that hurt your cheeks
In a matter of a few minutes.

True to form
Ella did not disappoint.

As I stood to go light a candle
In her memory
The glow globe given to us by Canuck Place
And which stood by me,
By my bum actually,
Lit up full of colours.

She lit up my bum!!!

And again in that moment
I went from tears
To a huge smile.

But that was only the beginning...

As Linda and I walked the Canuck Place gardens
My friend Shauna came up to inquire if I'd found Ella's lantern
And asked if Jacqueline was indeed her middle name.

I quickly warned her "don't tell me where she is!"

Minutes later
Laura who works at Canuck Place
Said some of the kids like Ella
Were this year remembered on
What we call in French
A nénuphar*.

And so, about a foot away
From where her lantern stood in the dark last year
Linda and I found Ella's nénuphar.

And this time, the tealight was still lit.

I almost felt disappointed
To find her so quickly
Until I remembered Shauna's comment...

The nénuphar only said Ella...
Not "Ella Jacqueline"!

So we found Laura
And asked her if there was another Ella.

"No", she said, "there is only your Ella".

And both Linda and I giggled
At the thought that Ella once again
Tricked the Canuck Place team.

So where is her lantern?, I asked Shauna.

"Are you sure you want to know?"
Yup, gotta see that lantern!
"Right there in the bushes"...
As she pointed.

Linda and I walked over
And still could not find her
It took Laura, Linda, myself and another CP volunteer
Another good 5 minutes
To finally find the lantern.

And there in all her glory
Was a beautiful lantern
For Ella Jacqueline
Under a clear, crisp fall evening
Shining bright
On Ella's 27th month birthday.

* nénuphar is a waterlilly - I actually did not know this until just now when I looked it up. Lilly was one of the names high on my list for Ella :)

ELLA - Everyone Loves Little Angels