It was a gift from spiritual care at BCCH for parents losing a child. I knew first hand how important that gift was to become so, after Ella's passing, I became the funder of bereament hearts for the perinatal unit. Afterall, Ella had been laid to rest wearing hers, and I wore mine every day.
Until Rare Disease Day 2013, that is, when my ceramic heart tragically got caught in my mom's wedding ring which had been on my finger since right before mom died. The heart crashed in pieces on the floor of the hotel bathroom where I was about to step into the shower. I was devastated, but had to let go - there was no time to lose it. Thee conference I received a grant to attend was about to begin. I found a box, put all the pieces in it, and proceeded about my day.
With hindsight, I can honestly say that had the heart been broken in any other fashion, I would have lost it. But this scenario was as though my late mom and Ella had it all planned. I had to let go and there was no way i could be angry, because it got caught in mom's ring... my late's mom's ring...
I did spend the better part of the following month touching my neck each time I needed strength - the almost same gesture I did since Ella's death as I clutched for the ceremic heart around my neck when I needed strength. When I was sad. When I was happy. When I missed Ella.
And then, the reflex happened less often and I realized I did not need the pendant to find stength. It was already in me. So I started wearing other pieces of jewelry again - all pink, this time of course, the colour I wear to honour Ella daily. One of the pieces I wores most often was offered to me by my sister: a multilayered string necklace of pink and coral pieces.
Earlier this year, BCCH found a supplier of different hearts that don't break. Although they are much more expensive than the ceramic hearts, they are so worth it!!! The hospital asked me if I would still consider funding the hearts, despite the increased cost. There was no hesitation on saying yes.
While I was on a business last week, one of the strings broke. And that's when I knew my girl was sending me another message....
In mid-September, as a thank you for continuing to fund the hearts, I got a new double heart as a gift. It is just beautiful as the original. And now, it has become the one piece closest to my heart.
Ella's and mine, together again. #feelingblessed
