Yet another Mother's Day

I dreaded this day. The day when I should be receiving A special hug A sweet kiss A handmade card. The day when Ella Would likely be Attempting to make Pancakes with her daddy. The day when She'd choose on a pretty dress Instead of sneakers A fun tee, and shorts. And we'd play, And giggle And giggle some more. Five years ago Mother's Day Was beautiful and sunny Surrounded by friends At the ball park. Some with round bellies, like mine And most others, just enjoying life And playing in the sun. A Mother's Day Full of laughter Joy And hope. Four years ago Was a complete nightmare Although built on a sweet intention. Brunch at a fave restaurant Ended up being A reminder of a life lost As little half & half girls Twirled around us Oblivious to pain. Three years ago Back at the ball park No more bellies Tons of babies But not mine. I held tears Numb Until I could no longer When the crew raised a glass And wished me A Happy Mother's Day. Last year I burried my head in the sand Along with my pain Of not being with Ella Of losing Mom A few short months before And so I went to the ballpark To be with friends. But this year No amount of energy Would be enough To put on a brave face At the ballpark. I woke up to a message from Ella's daddy And then one from a fellow angel mom. Made myself brunch, and as I headed out I found a card on my doorstep. My only Mother's Day card. And once again, I held tears. Then went on to pick up flowers. For Ella For Mom And some for me. Upon leaving the cemetery I, too, was handed flowers Two gerberas One pink, one orange So the tears arose. Being strong sometimes means Letting go And so I let the tears flow. And then I went on Because that's what angels mom do. To wash my car of all things And minutes into it, I thought 'One more thing Ella will never do, No learning to drive, no begging for my keys'. And when tears were on the verge of coming again Ella, my darling, Showed her most clever sense of humour Driving all signs of sadness away As she put a hose handle in my way To soak her maman Through and through And from head to toe. I swear in that rmoment I heard the roar of giggles And snap of hive five As Ella and my maman, wished me 'Happy Mother's Day'!